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Anne with girl guides
You are never too old to join in

When my sons were young they joined the scouts. On a beach outing I supported Akela where I supervised and watched the group of scouts jump, scream, alongside throw and catch a ball. I was aching to be part of the gang, to belong alongside my sons who knew everyone, amongst the waves on this scorching hot day. I watched, I waited, then tiptoed into the water.


Low and behold the ball fell in front of me, I smiled and jostled it a few seconds before I decided which direction to throw it, (obviously being a woman it didn’t go in the direction I aimed it) everyone laughed and I moved in closer to the pack. As a parent/adult I felt I should be on the deckchairs nattering but I hated groups. I had nothing in common with any of them. I didn’t feel confident nor alive amongst adults at that insecure ‘divorced lonely period’ of my life.


Then suddenly I took an outside look at us riding waves and the pack included me. I was part of the gang, the game, my children were not embarrassed. In fact they were proud because I wanted to play with them, know their friends and be one of the cool fun people instead of being an unengaging adult.


Your Inner Scout or Girl Guide has not disappeared.

This story runs parallel with how it feels to join a table at CCC’s. But it is as easy as this. Be a scout or girl guide again. Filter in, like you always did so you were never on the outside looking in.


Come like a scout/guide with the desire to enjoy, and the rest will take care of itself.


Everything is so bloody formal nowadays, how many people do you see smiling when they are older. Come on Everyone, remember who you are, fearless - fun, bubbly- energetic and happy to try anything.


In every CCC there is a trained host waiting to greet you. You will not be alone. I promise.


Everyone loves CCC’s. You will too, just take a leap of fearless faith and gulp of courage then your life will change for the better.


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When you see the online information about loneliness, does it actually capture the essence of who you are and where you are at this time in your life?

I WAS TOO FRIGHTENED/ASHAMED TO LOOK.

With me, when I was in the darkest nights of my soul, I was too frightened and ashamed to even admit I was lonely on top of everything else. I knew I needed help, help to connect with people but the fear/anxiety was too much.

I'd see people in couples, people around big tables, big families walking and laughing together on the beach so I changed my life so I wouldn't see them.

Sundays were spent with no phone,  it reinforced my bad perception of myself and social isolation status -relationship status. The fact that only 2 people remain in my circle from a family of over 100 broke my heart. With a rational mind today after pushing through the darkness to find myself again, the self pity has gone, the problems connected to it and bad people who reinforced it too. I'm centred with a new 20 people from all over the world who,  like myself, would be lost without one another. I've had to work hard to find these soul filling friendships by trying lots of new things.


The disconnection through loneliness involved with losing yourself to loneliness in my opinion, corrupts everything you see, hear and value. The darkness is everywhere inside and outside your psyche, so if you feel kind of like I did, how the heck is the online advice going to relate to you?


LET YOUR TEST BECOME A TESTIMONY

I want my loneliness test to be a testimony to help others, not bury them deeper. How do we stop ourselves stop thinking terrible thoughts and feeling horrible emotions?  Instead of running from our loneliness and denying it like the enemy. I turned my foe into my friend. I began to learn about what triggered it, body movements, thoughts that took me down dark alleys, people, others body language and my own. I forced myself to smile and say good morning to strangers, give a little wave and in a friendly manner lift my eyebrows. Although others were shocked, they did not shun me (as my mind had always reinforced) but as they were passing my shoulder they would reply, a shy hello.  


JUST SAY HI

Now I've learned to have no issues, saying hi to anyone anywhere.  After all, we all belong everywhere and nowhere we just have to grab hold of that balloon-freeing string above, instead of choosing to be weighed down by the lead-weight- ball of loneliness stereotypes below.


EVERYONE NEEDS TO BELONG

This is man's greatest need (even if this is just with yourself.) Therefore nearly everyone wants to make friends, but most need someone else to put out that hand or word of friendship.

Loneliness is reminding you that you are human. You are part of the human race and without you the human race is not functioning as it is designed. You were born at this time in history for a reason. That reason is to help others.  You can do this by sharing your woes and worries but not alone. Share them together, let your loneliness become the gift you give yourself.


That is why I insist on linking in people together in chat clubs, or through the magazine or social media. It's a great start.


Self -reflect over your loneliness, recognise it, talk to it, tell it where to go.  Loneliness isn't human. You are and you need to let it go.  Your voice is more powerful than its.


I made 20 great friends by stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new experiences. My college journey led to a friendship that has lasted 24 years. I made a friend at one job, then another at a different place. I returned to college, attended university, and even traveled solo. I taught in various schools, including a stint in Italy, and hosted students years ago. My circle of friends grew because I embraced my vulnerability in many ways, which helped me become more dynamic too.


Although I still face loneliness daily, I remind myself that I’ve overcome it before, and I can tap into that strength to conquer it again.


WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK



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In the 1960's there was a study of a village full of Italians who lived in Canada as close familial units. As society developed and travelling to study/work became the norm, families included other members from different backgrounds. Inevitably the once solid families began to feel threads snapping in their rich familial tapestry.


It's September now, a new university Erasamus Year, where younger members of the family begin to follow their dreams, mix with new types of people, basically - move on from being village people to become worldly people, suffering growing pains in inevitable to become your new self in 3 years time.


Uni Life can be very lonely and very isolating. It was for me and many of my university friends.

We had put ourselves on an island of judgement where professors judged students, where students judged their surroundings for safety, where students ran on adrenaline for a while until they settled. Where new ideas, backgrounds blended and sometimes clashed. It was a time of not really belonging with one's self.


It is well known that loneliness will try its best to stop you succeeding.

Dr Phil states- 'we are all set up for failure, trying to succeed is two times harder.'


University's have people who drop out. Let that not be your story because doning your cap and gown, and crossing that invisible intellectual line, carrying that piece of paper, means so much. It makes you the new person - who can never return to be the person you were before, or be seen or feel like that person you were before.


If you can start or join-in an Offliner's or Chitter Chatter Club, it's easy to make new friends. There you will be able to borrow a group of peers who have walked your walk and want to help you through Uni and build your confidence up.


Never Forget.

Our minds have the ability to pull us down to the point of giving up. We have to resist this and ask for help as early as we possibly can.



Hopefully not on my watch!


Potentially. If we don't do anything about our loneliness we could be keeping university culture the same as always where loneliness is felt but a secret, or we can talk about it, be unashamed, and use our time in adversity for a lifetime transformation for ourselves , university connected communities and future generations of students seeing uni tapestries back together.

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