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  • Writer's pictureAnne Anderson

Ashamed of being lonely/alone.

Divorced. I am alone. My friends are gone. I'm ashamed because I'm still young. I walk everywhere, always alone. Everyone has got somebody, or a dog or something. Wherever I look, alone finds me.

Bereaved. I was a man and should have gone first but now I'm a sad lonesome widower. No one to talk to or to cook my meals. Our family is far away. I feel bleak and I can't even say it out loud. I have never asked for help in my life and I and won't ask now. I look in the mirror and I'm a picture of loneliness.

I moved. I left all I knew, to see the sea each day. I never knew I would only find sea. I don't have anyone to talk to. At home, everyone talked, but not here, not even me. I've become invisible. I daren't say hello. I did in the beginning but not now. I don't belong here. I'm shamefaced at what I've become. I'm so empty.

I retired. Now I'm bored, lonely, alone. The clubs didn't satisfy me. I like being by myself too much, but my wife got ill and now I'm her carer. This is lonelier than being lonely.

I miss being around folk in a pub, on a bus, in a cafe. Chaffing the grain, shouting at the football. I'm an empty mess missing 'unfortunate me.'

The kids left home. The euphoric orchestra played and the empty nest had no squawking voices to love. No eating at different times, staying out all night, patrolling hushed bedrooms, now it is holidaying over and over again. Cruises are the loneliest. Widows draining purses, hiding from shame, pretending to be at one with one.

Loneliness is your soul's cry, teaching you that you are human, humans need social connection. No one has a life without loneliness happening in it. Life changes us, become curious and learn new ways to be. It is so darn hard to stay stuck in the person you are today, but once the pain of staying the same becomes bigger than the pain of change, you will find the strength to turn that pain around.

Loneliness's stigma is ironic. Like fear, loneliness is not rational but taking one day at a time, one choice at a time. This is when time changes and a new life begins. Loneliness makes us look inward, curiosity makes us look outward.

Helping yourself helps the world.

Changing a frown to a smile doesn't take that much hard work. And a smile given or received

from a stranger can make someone's day special. We all need to see, hear and value one another, but most of all - belong.

We are born alone. We live alone. When we are with others, we are still alone. So why the heck should we feel ashamed?

Feeling Ashamed of being with yourself, is not Crazy!!!! 

It's the most normal state of being.

Lonely. Shame.

If we are not happy alone and want to be with others to be happy, then you know what your homework is. 

If you feel alone with others, maybe spend more time creatively by yourself.

If you are alone in a couple, know, its OK to have other friends.

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